She found her headphones, turned on the music and started to walk. People around her didn’t matter, she didn’t really see them. The music stopped every noise and made her hear her heartbeats. She walked slowly towards the train station, there was more than enough time before the train arrived. While she waited at the platform the people around her seemed so far away. Muffled words filled her thoughts and she  turned the volume up on her mp3-player...
After twenty minutes she arrived at the central station and she walked outside. Since it was a saturday there were hundreds walking in the main street. Tourists, people shopping, children, bums, annoying salesmen and teenagers on the hunt for the newest piece of fashion.
She moved quickly through the crowd and tried to blend in. After a while she reached a side street, there was the shop she was looking for. She went inside and smiled, she’d never been there before but after just one second she loved it. They sold cd’s, lyrics and chords in every genre. Her friend came towards her and greeted her. She gave her a hug and they walked further into the store. She was introduced to some of the others that worked there and they had lunch together. She really enjoyed the company of these wonderful persons with a witty sense of humour and sharp tongues.
She waited at the store until closing time and then they walked through the city together...
They bought a pizza and some alcohol and walked to the appartement where the friend of her friend lived. They ate the pizza and downloaded some music while they waited. There would be a party later on, but now they just wanted to relax and talk. She loved these friends, they understood her and didn’t look at her as if she was some sort of freak. They genuinly wanted to be there with her and she felt good in their company. None of the people at her school liked her that way, they just talked to her when they had to, and frankly they didn’t give a damn about how she felt or what she said.
After a couple of hours they decided to change into something nicer and freshen up their make-up. The doorbell rang and when they opened the first guest arrived. She had never met this person before, but quickly learned her name and they started talking. After a while she went back into the bedroom to fix her hair. Her friend was just changing into something else and they started talking. This was when she noticed the scars on her friends stomach, they were visible for a second before she pulled her sweater down. She didn’t ask her what they were because just then all of the other guests arrived. They started drinking, talking and listening to the newly downloaded music. They had chosen the music they had all grown up with. The terrible sound of the 90’s. But still it was just for fun and she enjoyed the good company.
After a while everyone started to get pretty drunk, and they danced and talked about everything and nothing. Her mind was just getting a bit slurred and she really didn’t care about anything anymore.
She had so much fun, more than in a long time. And everyone was so friendly to her, she really enjoyed the evening and everyone saw it.
At about twelve o’clock she remembered that the last bus home would leave in about ten minutes. She said goodbye and left the party with her friend. They were going home together. She looked at her friend and wondered if she could be so stupid not to notice these scars before. Her friend smiled and asked what it was she was looking at. Her friend was obviously just as drunk as her and she tried to get the courage to ask her what the scars were.
Just before the bus came she said she was worried about something and her friend looked at her with a smile. “Why?” her friend said. She answered silently: “Well... I saw something while you were changing your clothes and...” Her friend answered whispering: “You mean my body or the marks on my stomach?”
She started to get dizzy and she had to lean against the wall behind her. She couldn’t believe it... She almost started to cry, but she got herself together and answered: “The marks... Where are they from? Did you do that to yourself?”. Her friend looked her straight in the eyes and said she had some problems, but that she was talking to someone about them. And after she’d said that there was a long break before she said: “You should too you know, I mean talk to someone... They can help you get through it...” She couldn’t look at her friend so she looked down on the ground as the bus came. They got on it and a silence filled the air. There was not many people on the bus but still her friend whispered. “I know what you are going through, I’m here for you! Please talk to someone about your problems, please...” She couldn’t answer, all she could do was to hold back her tears and look away. She didn’t know that anyone knew about her problems, she didn’t know that is was that obvious...
They got off the bus and on to the subway, it was silent a long time before she realized how stupid she’d been. She thought no one felt the same as her, but now her best friend for many years just revealed that she had the same problems and all the same feelings as her. She felt a relief, but only for a second. “Why did you never tell me about this?” She said. Her friend answered: “For the same reason you never told me...” She understood now, neither one of them dared to open up, not even to each other. When they finally got of the subway they started walking towards her friends house. She took her friends hand and held it the entire way while they talked. She finally understood everything, she felt safe again... She smiled again... And as they walked her friends hand in hers felt so natural and safe. She didn’t want to let go of the one and only friend that knew her secret...